By Paulo Cerqueira, Staff Writer, All Habs Hockey Magazine
MONTREAL, QC. — On Wednesday September 11th the Montreal Canadiens open their training camp leading into the 2013-2014. The first day of camp is like Christmas morning for every young hockey player dreaming of making the big leagues. But this year’s crop of youngsters hoping to stick with the Habs might wake up to find the Grinch paid them a visit while they slept and their Christmas was stolen.
With 21 players signed to one way deals and young budding superstars Alex Galchenyuk and Brendan Gallagher a lock to make the team, all 23 roster spots are as good as set. At first glance the only way a rookie cracks this line-up is by forcing the hand of GM Marc Bergevin into making a trade that will open a roster spot. It’s safe to say it might be a very quiet camp for the Habs this year. Beat writers this year might be grasping at straws to try to make headlines. The harsh reality of camp with no surprises is what might be in store for them.
But sports fans aren’t confined by the bounds of reality! So let’s have some fun. Abandon reason, let your mind wander and venture into the “bizarro” world of Habs training camp!
Keeping that in mind, here are my top five predictions of surprises that will ‘happen’ this pre-season.
Wait!
You’re with me, right? By stepping off the ledge, or in this case proceeding further into my spoof, you give up the right to use the phrase “Are you serious?” in the comment section below.
Okay, let’s go…
5) Day 1 of camp, before players even hit the ice, Marc Bergevin announces that he has completed a trade with the New Jersey Devils. Captain Brian Gionta returns to his first NHL team in return for two 2nd round picks. Following the Bergevin announcement, Coach Michel Therrien steps up to the podium and introduces P.K. Subban as the next captain of the team. Subban goes into the books as the youngest captain in team history. Immediately CBC begins working on an exposé to air during their pre-game show on opening night explaining how bad the tension between players has gotten in the Habs locker room with the naming of Subban as team captain. P.J. Stock references an unnamed source.
4) Day 4 of camp, Andrei Markov is missing from the morning skate. For three days no real answer is given to calm the speculation that is building. Finally the organization confirms rumours that Markov has returned to play in Russia sporting new, state-of-the-art, titanium knees. The Canadian government automatically revokes Markov’s citizenship. Immediately CBC begins working on an exposé to air during the first intermission opening night explaining that tension between players in the Habs locker has gotten to the point that team leaders are bolting to the KHL
3) Day 9 of camp, the newly formed line of David Desharnais, Brendan Gallagher and Daniel Briere continues to be the best line of camp. The “Smurf” line, as it’s been coined due to the powder blue, no-contact, practice jerseys all three players wear, continues to turn every defenseman into a pylon and make every goalie look like sieve with their ridiculous moves and highlight reel goals. Immediately CBC begins working on an exposé to air during the second intermission on opening night explaining that due to tension in the Habs locker room the bigger players on the team are feeling devalued.
2) Day 16 of camp, following an exhibition loss to the Ottawa Senators, Michel Therrien announces that because of his unwillingness to take shorter shifts P.K. Subban was stripped of his captaincy. Subban goes into the books as the captain to have served the least amount of time in team history. The team confirms that Daniel Briere will be the new team captain. Immediately CBC begins working on an exposé to air on after the game on opening night explaining how bad tension has gotten between players in the locker room because of Subban no longer being captain. Stock analyzes footage of Subban walking through the arena corridor on the way to the press box.
1) Final day of camp, the roster for the 2013-2014 Montreal Canadians is revealed. The team announces that due to tension in the locker room Carey Price will be placed on waivers and Zachary Fucale will be the starting goalie for the upcoming season. An enraged Peter Budaj also leaves the team and José Theodore is brought in as a backup and mentor for young Fucale. Immediately CBC begins working on an exposé to air on “After Hours” on opening night that will look in depth into what is wrong with the Montreal Canadiens.
Enjoy training camp Habs fans!
Keeping with the ‘bizarro’ theme, what do you think might happen during training camp? Use the comments section below.
You can follow me on Twitter @pace2933